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 How my Cat Tried to Kill Me (a true story)

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RainCloud
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PostSubject: How my Cat Tried to Kill Me (a true story)   Thu Jun 23, 2011 2:22 pm

Let me preface this by saying the incident herein may have been accidental. Maybe.

For the past eight months, my Maine Coon mix Hugin (Thought in Norse) has had a skin allergy to fleas and so has been pulling his hair out. He is now the once-fluffy-Maine-Coon-that-is-now-hairless-but-still-wants-attention. He decided to pull out his hair while sitting on my bed, making my bed shake all day every day. This upset me very much, and I was also dealing with the stress of losing my mother while my bf/fiance was deployed. This was part one of Hugin's plan: psychological torture.

His plan failed, since I am not currently in a nut house and he is not a feral cat (to his dismay). So yesterday he enacted part two: try to burn down the house. My house doesn't have smoke detectors...

My house doesn't have an oven or a stove, we have a hot plate instead with duel burners. Since my countertop was crammed full of dishes and stuff yesterday, due to my sink breaking, I decided it would be okay to leave my brand new green tea box on top of the hot plate because there wasn't much space to put stuff away. The next morning, my bf/fiance gets up and goes to work while I continue sleeping. About an hour later, my youngest cat decides to sit on my chest which makes it hard for me to breath (she weighs 15 lbs). Then I notice a comforting smokey smell, like the odor of my mom's house. I let it go, thinking that the handyman is smoking while he works on the porch upstairs (a normal occurance). At this point, it is getting very hard for me to breathe, between the smoke and my cat on my chest. Two HOURS later, I'm up and getting ready and starting to do chores. I still can't find the smoke smell so I give up and go to get myself a nice cup of the new green tea.

There was no more green tea box. The box was in complete ashes on the hot plate, smoldering and smoking and burning a little on the edges. I used a spatula to get it off the hot plate and into the trash. The hot plate was so hot that it took over an hour to cool down. My house still smells like burned tea.

How do I figure it was the same cat? Well, I was asleep when it turned on, my bf/fiance was at work, my youngest cat was sitting on top of me the entire time (and she doesn't go on the counter tops), and the other Maine Coon was sitting in his box on top of the dresser. Which leaves Hugin, the evil one. With part two failing, I can only wonder what part three is. And why is it only me that's being targeted?!
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rainshadow
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PostSubject: Re: How my Cat Tried to Kill Me (a true story)   Thu Jun 23, 2011 4:38 pm

Wow... that must have been a traumatic experience for you. If Steve were alive today, he'd say "RC... RC," he'd say, "sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug."

You see, Steve once had a very similar experience once upon a time... or so we think. Hard to say. At this stage, the cat got away with it... (not to mention the fact that the case is closed).

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We should create a loop. That way when he gets back he can feel jealous that he's been out of it.


Last edited by rainshadow on Fri Jun 24, 2011 10:19 am; edited 1 time in total
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locust
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PostSubject: Re: How my Cat Tried to Kill Me (a true story)   Thu Jun 23, 2011 5:14 pm

U sure its a cat...and not just evil incarnate.....
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Hippocampus
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PostSubject: Re: How my Cat Tried to Kill Me (a true story)   Fri Jun 24, 2011 8:22 am

Sounds like a lurk to me!
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IMagius
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PostSubject: Re: How my Cat Tried to Kill Me (a true story)   Fri Jun 24, 2011 9:08 am

Yet another reason why I don't like cats very much.

No self respecting dog would have done that.

Very Happy
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Confessor Kahlan
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PostSubject: Re: How my Cat Tried to Kill Me (a true story)   Fri Jun 24, 2011 10:59 am

Wow, that's like a demon cat. Twisted Evil
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RainCloud
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PostSubject: Re: How my Cat Tried to Kill Me (a true story)   Fri Jun 24, 2011 6:07 pm

Hippocampus wrote:
Sounds like a lurk to me!

lol, I actually wanted to name this cat Firefox and his brother Lurk. I lost my campaign though :'( Hell, I even tried to get my cat named Lurk and I lost that bet because Lurk was a boy in the books and my cat is a girl.

And yes, this cat is EVIL. I don't want the dog lovers here to be turned more off cats cuz he's an exception. He's really smart so he chooses to be a pain. His brother is dumb as a doornnail and cuddly, like a proper cat Razz
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locust
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PostSubject: Re: How my Cat Tried to Kill Me (a true story)   Fri Jun 24, 2011 6:21 pm

He that smart...huh....here's a sentence for him...any more of that shit an its the animal shelter....should sort him out.....
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RainCloud
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PostSubject: Re: How my Cat Tried to Kill Me (a true story)   Sat Jun 25, 2011 12:22 am

Its probably part of what landed him in the animal shelter in the first place lol
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locust
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PostSubject: Re: How my Cat Tried to Kill Me (a true story)   Sat Jun 25, 2011 4:37 am

Yes but did u check to see if the original family survived him.....just saying like it might be worth ur while.......haha
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RainCloud
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PostSubject: Re: How my Cat Tried to Kill Me (a true story)   Sat Jun 25, 2011 2:03 pm

rofl No word on that. Since a little girl signed them over to the animal shelter, I assume they were so annoying (getting so big at four months) that her mom and dad made her give them up. When we got them at 6 months, they were bigger than another cat of mine and weighed 10 lbs. And they have always been this destructive...
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locust
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PostSubject: Re: How my Cat Tried to Kill Me (a true story)   Sat Jun 25, 2011 3:18 pm

Big scary assed cats those are....think I will stick with my dog...
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RainCloud
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PostSubject: Re: How my Cat Tried to Kill Me (a true story)   Sat Jun 25, 2011 9:56 pm

The two on the right (looking relaxed) are the Maine Coon mixes. The orange one at the top is the cat that tried to kill me. This is only a few months old, so all the cats are two years old.
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locust
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PostSubject: Re: How my Cat Tried to Kill Me (a true story)   Sun Jun 26, 2011 4:33 am

like I said scary...:-)
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rainshadow
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PostSubject: Re: How my Cat Tried to Kill Me (a true story)   Sun Jun 26, 2011 7:17 am

The question you have to ask yourself is this...

Who do they intend to HANG with that cord???

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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... it's about getting out there and dancing in the rain.

We should create a loop. That way when he gets back he can feel jealous that he's been out of it.
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locust
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PostSubject: Re: How my Cat Tried to Kill Me (a true story)   Sun Jun 26, 2011 10:57 am

U know they can manage a slipknot no problem.....
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IMagius
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PostSubject: Re: How my Cat Tried to Kill Me (a true story)   Sun Jun 26, 2011 5:26 pm

I don't think they will HANG anyone ... looks more like theya re setting up some sort of a leghold snare to trip someone and get that person down to the ground where the feline devil-beasts can then slowly eat the person alive. Cats love the sound of mortal screams ... nobody knows why.
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locust
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PostSubject: Re: How my Cat Tried to Kill Me (a true story)   Sun Jun 26, 2011 5:51 pm

IMagius wrote:
I don't think they will HANG anyone ... looks more like theya re setting up some sort of a leghold snare to trip someone and get that person down to the ground where the feline devil-beasts can then slowly eat the person alive. Cats love the sound of mortal screams ... nobody knows why.



Hmmm some serious planning in the works by those crafty cats.....
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reality33
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PostSubject: Re: How my Cat Tried to Kill Me (a true story)   Mon Jun 27, 2011 3:10 am

They definitely look like they are planning something...*shudders*
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rainshadow
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PostSubject: Re: How my Cat Tried to Kill Me (a true story)   Mon Jun 27, 2011 10:51 am

I didn't know that IMag had such a dark side...

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We should create a loop. That way when he gets back he can feel jealous that he's been out of it.
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locust
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PostSubject: Re: How my Cat Tried to Kill Me (a true story)   Mon Jun 27, 2011 11:22 am

Haha we all have a that dark spot on our soul, RS...
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RainCloud
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PostSubject: Re: How my Cat Tried to Kill Me (a true story)   Mon Jun 27, 2011 5:05 pm

lol the event in that picture is a lot less sinister than all that. The two big cats on the right cornered the other one (who's scared of them). Immediately after this picture was taken, the other one hissed and ran away. Okay, so maybe it was a little sinister but it wasn't towards me in that one.
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locust
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PostSubject: Re: How my Cat Tried to Kill Me (a true story)   Mon Jun 27, 2011 5:47 pm

Are u sure.....
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IMagius
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PostSubject: Re: How my Cat Tried to Kill Me (a true story)   Mon Jun 27, 2011 7:24 pm

RainCloud wrote:
lol the event in that picture is a lot less sinister than all that. The two big cats on the right cornered the other one (who's scared of them). Immediately after this picture was taken, the other one hissed and ran away. Okay, so maybe it was a little sinister but it wasn't towards me in that one.

See ... that's proof I was right!

The timid cat was what they were using as Bait to lure you into their trap as you were rescuing the one they were tormenting.

For that matter, I would doubt the "scared" cat is actually scared ... I'm suspecting that this plan has been in the works for a long time and it's previous actions were just a way of conditioning you to leave you more unaware of their true intent. All 3 of those devil-beasts are in on this together.

I'll bet that during all of this planning and set-up for "the big score", they even took the time to train you to feed them on a regular basis. And if they are of the truly deranged kind of cat that I've only been told of in hushed whispers, they may even have managed to somehow condition you to clean up their fecal matter Shocked

RainCloud, I think you really need to be careful around these beasts. I would say that we would hate to read of your demise by one of their devious plans, but the sad fact is that these creatures have managed to brainwash so many people that news like that would never be made public. The Internet phenomenom of "LOL Cats" and "I has cheezburger" should be proof enough of the extent of their control of the media.

When you are at home watching them:

When you are out of the house:


Be Safe, Be Carfeul. Mostly though, be aware of their true intent.
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talonnolan
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PostSubject: Re: How my Cat Tried to Kill Me (a true story)   Tue Jun 28, 2011 12:32 am

Brilliant Paul.

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