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StephenH
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PostSubject: A vs P   Wed Apr 14, 2010 10:28 pm

Yes I did it. I actually wrote an Aliens vs Predator Fan Fic when i was but 17.

I'm so ashamed.

i'll post a chapter summary breakdown and then if anyone wants to read the actual story they can let me know.

Warning - there are spoilers in my summary so if you would prefer to read the actual story spoiler free - then don't read the summary below and let me know and I'll send it to you.

It's interesting to note (from my point of view at least) that this was written quite a number of years before the first AvsP film. And there were some things that never appear in my story that I thought about and discarded because I thought the idea was silly - and lo and behold it shows up in the movies.

Anyway, onto it.

Quote :


Aliens Vs Predator Origins – A summary



CHAPTER 1



Basically a board meeting of Weyland Yutani. The CEO is speaking to the board members with a Army General there as well and he is providing a detailed history of all known Alien encounters.



In this meeting some theories are put forth (basically to solve the story issues of how the egg arrived on the sulaco and a few other things).



This takes place a hundred years after Alien Resurrection and it is explained how the Company is still around despite what is said in Alien Resurrection about the company no longer being around.



It is also stated that Ripley 8 from alien resurrection is dead.



The reason for the board meeting is that another derelict spacecraft has been found and the CEO is wanting the board members to decide whether its worth going after the aliens again given that everytime they do lots of people die.



Of course at the end of the chapter they agree to go after it one more time.



MY CHAPTER ASSESSMENT: I hate the first chapter – it certainly wouldn’t work as a film as it is pretty much a rehash of the previous alien films. If I was to rewrite my story I would get rid of this first chapter.



Though it is interesting from a stand alone point of view. This could be like an extra on a DVD somewhere like a deleted scene but a scene that was never going to make it in the movie.



CHAPTER 2



This chapter starts on the planet that has the new derelict spacecraft. Marines are going in (there was a human ship that landed here much like the nostromo which is how the company new about it). The marines go into the derelict spacecraft they don’t find any space jockey or anything.


They are trying to get an egg when they’re attacked by aliens (the aliens are there because the humans from the surveillance ship that found the derelict have all been caught).



There’s a big action sequence and one marine survives and another is dragged on the dropship with a facehugger attached to his face. The general orders the dropship pilot to nuke the entire site to make sure no aliens survive.



The marine who survives is my main character – His name is Presario. They put the other marine with the facehugger into the hypersleep chamber to take him back to earth.



MY CHAPTER ASSESSMENT: Pretty good action sequences and so forth and we get to see our main character in action – In a rewrite I would probably take out the action here for the simple reason of building suspense. Alien and Aliens had no action for a good portion of the start of the movie and the pay off was great suspense. Overall I like this chapter but simply feel that it is too early to show this stuff.



CHAPTER 3



We’re back on earth. The marine with the facehugger is in a “secure facility” and it’s basically a science lab. We find out the general is really pissed off now because his soldiers have been killed and the general thinks that the alien isn’t really worth all the trouble. The CEO is pushing and still wants to keep going.



The alien is hatched (the normal way – poor marine) and it’s a normal drone.


Presario is given a task by the general – to start training soldiers to fight the aliens specifically.



We find out that the single alien drone in the lab is cocooning itself. Basically being a single drone – it is cocooning itself to turn itself into a queen.

Which it does. And of course begins to lay eggs. After a while of course something goes wrong and one facehugger escapes.



The general kills the queen and the job now is to find the facehugger.



The threat is extremely serious as they now know that a single alien can cocoon itself into a queen making more and more and more of these things.



MY CHAPTER ASSESSMENT: Pretty good character development in this chapter. A little action, not much though – Just pulling back on that slingshot further and further getting ready to release.



CHAPTER 4



Search parties are run by Presario and the General – tension mounting between the General and the CEO and also Presario and the General. Presairo wants to go public with the news to get people to safety while the general wants to keep everything under wraps.



We see the facehugger get someone. We see the search party run by Presario investigating missing persons and we meet another main character Susan Ryder (who is the mother of the girl named Rebecca – Rebecca is camping and she is the one the facehugger got).



Presario sees something in Ryder – an underlying strength. The marines find Rebeccas grandfather – dead from a heart attack (when he tried to take Rebecca with the facehugger on her to safety).



Presario’s hunch is that the facehugger has got the Rebecca.



We now see short scenes of an alien taking hosts. Very short scenes.



By the end of this chapter we get a sense of a growing army of aliens before the humans even realise it. My timeframe is clearly expressed in this chapter – its nothing like the short timeframes of the AvsP films.



MY CHAPTER ASSESSMENT: Quite good. I went to a lot of trouble to get the time frames right. Great character development especially between Presario and Ryder. Things are heating up – the tension is building.



CHAPTER 5



Our first real glimpse of an alien at the start of this chapter – runner alien (dog alien) takes a human in the middle of the night as he’s opening the fridge – I love this part because I see this so very clearly in my mind as if it was played out on the big screen.



Presario is still running his search – and he hears of someone seeing a “dragon” and goes to the hospital where someone is babbling (like morse) and finds out that he’s a sewage worker.



Presario starts to get a sense of dread – and having some sort of connection with Ryder goes and warns her to get out of town.



Presario and his bunch of marines that he’s been training go to where the sewage worker was and they go into the sewers. As they go further and further in – they start to enter the hive (just like aliens).



They find something that shows how their search failed – the aliens were taking homeless people living in the sewers and animals – dogs etc.



Basically Presarios and the Generals search wasn’t broad enough. And the alien numbers are far greater then they first feared.



As they continue further into the nest – they come across a building basement.



The shit hits the fan – the first major action sequence takes place. Marines are getting killed left right and centre and Presario gets them to retreat into the buildings basement – they are pushed further and further back until they have to go up and into the lobby of the building – which is in the heart of the city.



The aliens follow them and all hell breaks loose as the aliens emerge like ants into the lobby and the street.



We find out that the building is in fact the transport centre – buses etc go there – so that has also helped in the aliens taking people, because they were taking people from out of town etc.



Ryder is there – she was leaving the city under Presarios advice when Presario comes racing out with the aliens comeing after them.



Ryder grabs a fallen marines rifle and helps fend of the aliens. Presario ends the immediate threat with some heavy duty explosives.



At the end of this chapter we’re left with the feeling that the aliens have somehow managed to establish a hive far greater then was ever expected in the amount of time due to the fact that the aliens were taking wildlife etc and that Presarios search simply wasn’t broad enough.


This was a major action sequence much like the first major action sequence in Aliens.



MY CHAPTER ASSESSMENT: Very Good. The tension has been building and this is the pay off. As I said before in my chapter assessment for chapter 2 if I take out the action in that chapter – this chapter will have an even greater impact.



CHAPTER 6



This chapter starts 6 months after the end of chapter 5. Earth is being overrun and in fact New York City is a major hive. We find out that there are major nests on every continent. The marines can’t do anything except try to contain the outbreaks – earth is loosing to the alien. – Australia is completely quarantined.



The general wants to step up his attack - Presario wants to evacuate the entire planet. We find out that the General feels responsible for what has happened and is determined to fix it.



The lacerta plague is mentioned in this chapter. (from alien resurrection – call says “these things will make the lacerta plague look like a fucking square dance”)



Plans are made to take out one of the major nest sites (which is in Sydney) – Ryder is now a major part of the military effort having lost her daughter to these things.



As Presario finishes briefing the marines for the night – One of the patrols comes in and asks to show Presario something. It is an alien body with a strange wound. It was obviously shot but there was “no shrapnel, no powder burns” and the wound is “all fused and quarterised”.



The next day the marines head out to go to the nest – Presario starts to get an uneasy feeling like he’s being watched. We now see for the first time a predator watching Presario and the marines making their way to the aliens nest – much like in predator how the predator watched arnies crew head towards the encampment.



The marines are walking through the city and predators are surrounding them without them even knowing (because they’re all cloaked you see)



The marines enter the nest and head further in. Motion trackers running. As they’re pretty far in the motion tracker goes off – there is only a single “thing” moving.



Presario doesn’t expect just a single thing. And much like in predator where arnie walks out after setting the traps and walks up and can’t see anything Presario does the same thing.



All hell breaks loose and the aliens attack and the marines start getting taken down big time – all written from the marines point of view – aliens start dieing from predator plasma fire – marines retreat and Presario is cut off – Presario finds another way out and is running and runs smack bang into a cloaked predator – he decloaks and Presario sees it for the first time – the predator leaves (Presario is unarmed at this stage) and Presario is picked up by dropships.



MY CHAPTER ASSESSMENT: Pretty good – I love the action in this sequence and as the last chapter was meant to be a lot like Aliens – this chapter is meant to be a lot like Predator. If I was to change anything I would change a part of the action sequence to show the predator and alien duelling a bit more maybe.



CHAPTER 7



At the start of this chapter we see short scenes of aliens and predators all over the world fighting – duelling etc – earth being completely overrun and humans not being able to do a damn thing about it. We see different hybrids of aliens having come from a great many different types of animals – birds, lions etc.



Presario explains what he saw to the General who is perplexed and something strikes him as familier and goes off to look something up.



Presario studies all the files the company had on the aliens – ripleys statement from the inquest etc everything trying to find something that will tell him how to kill them.



The general comes back and tells Presario and Ryder the story of Arnies crew and Harrigans battle. This information is extremely old obviously but it is around.



After having studied the files on the aliens – Presario comes up with the idea of cloning someone just like Ripley 8 so they can see if the genetic memory will help them. The clone could remember something and possibly provide a clue in how to kill them.



They decide to clone the original marine (from chapter 2) using the same methods as was used on the Auriga.



The alien is destroyed and Perry (the cloned marine) is of course a crossbreed just like Ripley 8 – the scientist goes off with Perry to try hypnosis (like repressed memories) to see what he can find out.



Meanwhile Ryder comes up with an idea (explained you’ll have to read it to find out how) that the alien could be killed by chemicals. Presario and the General are confused and Ryder goes onto explain that Ripley in her inquest said that she used gas to get the alien out of the pipes on the narcissus so she could eject it into space.



Ripley said the thing screamed but ryder said that it could have been screaming in pain – it is explained that what ripely was using was a specialised quarantine type of disinfectant.


They decide to give it a shot as nothing else seems to work and start mass producing the stuff.



MY CHAPTER ASSESSMENT: Pretty good – explanations are underway – little action but a necessary chapter. And we find out what can kill the aliens without having to blow the whole planet to bits.



CHAPTER 8



The scientist explains to Presario, Ryder and the general what information he was able to get out of Perry under hypnosis.


He explains that he believes the alien was bioengineered by the Space Jockeys to be a weapon SPECIFICALLY against the predators. Unfortunately he couldn’t find out anything that would give them a clue to help kill them.



He finds out there is another element to the breeding cycle – a QUEEN MOTHER that controls the individual queens who in turn control the individual drones. It would have been how the Space Jockeys could control mass amounts of the aliens – by simply controlling the QUEEN MOTHER. A queen mother would only appear when multiple queens are in close proximity to eachother.



It is explained that the queen mother wouldn’t lay eggs and would therefore be mobile.



After all of this Perry starts acting a little weird. The aliens have started attacking the military base in their thousands.



The general is struck by fear and Presario orders the evacuation. Ryder has left something and needs to go back for it. Presario and Perry head to the ship for evacuation.



MY CHAPTER ASSESSMENT: Good – In retrospect I would tell the backstory in a more exciting manner – probably intermixed with action as they’re all trying to evacuate.



I’m also not sure about the queen mother – it makes sense but I’m a bit reluctant to go around messing with the breeding cycles etc.



CHAPTER 9



Presario and Perry get to the hanger and realise that someones going to have to go to the control centre to open the hanger doors. Perry says that he’ll go as he’s probably better equipped to go being half alien.


Perry goes off and Presario gets into the ship to ready it for take off.



Perry gets to the control centre where he finds a major battle has taken place. He senses a predator and wonders not WHAT it is because he knows because of the genetic crossover but he wonders at HOW he knows where it is. It’s like a sixth sense type of thing. The alien in him.



Perry and the Predator have a major battle with perry loosing.



Ryder is still running through the complex looking for the thing she forgot – she comes across the general who is completely distraught and he hands what ryder was looking for to her. He then shoots himself, not being able to live with what he has done.



Ryder runs off trying to get to the ship when she runs into the CEO – he’s freaking out big time and ends up being speared (like bishop) by the Queen mother – Ryder runs off and the queen mother pursues her.



As perry couldn’t get the hanger doors open presairo leaves the ship to go to the control room – he gets there and finds perrys body – with his spine and skull ripped out.


Presario opens the hanger doors and is on his way back when the predator attacks him.



Ryder gets to the ship – the hanger doors now open and races in and straps herself in – she starts calling for Presario.



Presario answers through the radio as he’s running away – an explosion knocks both him and the predator to the ground – rubble falling on the predator. The predator sets the bomb and Presario tells ryder to take off as he won’t make it in time – Presario gets out the nearest exit and is running flat out – ryder takes off as the queen mother bursts into the hanger and flys flat out.



The explosion blows up the complex. This ending is reminiscent of Both Predator movies and Alien, Aliens – and Alien Resurrection to a small extent.



MY CHAPTER ASSESSMENT: Very good – very good action especially with Perry and the predator etc – I remember when I was writing this that I thought it would be cool to see a human clone (like Ripley Cool battle a predator. The ending of this chapter is just like both predator movies and the first two alien movies.



CHAPTER 10



Orbiting earth – ryder runs down to the cargo hold to set the gas cylinders so she can fly down and start gassing the planet to rid earth of the aliens.



Of course shes down there and all of a sudden she sees the predator just standing there watching her. This is an elder predator.



The predator kind of just ignores her and ryder doesn’t do anything hoping not to provoke it. The predator unhooks its shoulder cannon BUT NOT ITS MASK.


The predator looks to an air vent – and ryder watchs as the Queen Mother comes out of the air vent (pretty big air vent I know lol) – the predator watchs and roars and charges the QM.



The predator and QM battle each other – the predator although smaller is by no means weaker. The battle lasts a while but it soon becomes evident to Ryder that the QM has the upper hand. The predator is hurt seriously and the QM moves in for the kill.



Ryder has attached a hose to one of the gas cylinders and shows up and blasts the QM with the gas – hurting it and forcing it into an airlock. She blows it out.



The predator not dead gets up and goes to leave but ryder calls it back and puts something in its hand “take it” – it was what she went back for earlier and what the general had – It was her daughters necklace. The predator leaves and ryder reenters earth – there she sees Presario standing in the crater of the complex after the other predators bomb went off – just like the ending to both Predator movies.



MY CHAPTER ASSESSMENT: very good – I love all the action in this chapter and I think it’s a very good ending – After watching the movies I came to the realisation that the endings were all similar. Now I know theres differences in what people like but lets just look at Alien and Aliens – these two films are always voted as the best in the franchise and have a look at the endings to both of those films – Ripley goes back for something – Cat/Newt. Ripley has to rush to get away from the explosion – Nostromo/Colony. The alien is always on board after the explosion and Ripley has to deal with it by blowing it out of the airlock – Nostromo airlock/Sulaco airlock.


Now James Cameron I think did a perfect job in that sequel and its interesting to see that he echos the first film in how he structures the ending.


Also look at the two predator films – you’ll see similarities there too.



EPILOGUE



Short epilogue placed two months after the end of chapter ten – aliens are dieing and the final mop up is taking place – the predators have left – and Presario and ryder have gone to a cemetary to pay their respects. They’re looking at the tombstones and Presario stops at one and is reading it when an ancient lady walks up behind him and talks to him – she tells him that she’s lived a long life and has survived many things – she tells him to continue to remember but don’t forget to live. And then walks off – Ryder comes up and asks him who that was and Presario is like “nah couldn’t be” and they both turn to read the tombstone which reads:



“Ellen Ripley – A daughter, a mother, a survivor. RIP”



MY EPILOGUE ASSESSMENT: Throughout my entire story there are many references to Ripley – how she was right all along. I wanted to honour her in some way – it is implied here that the old lady is Ripley 8, her cloning process having allowed her to live a long time. I wanted to end her character in a better way then what was done by Alien Resurrection and in my opinion Alien 3.


the idea here is that ripley was always right – that these things were dangerous and not to be meddled with and if the company ever got their way – it would be “all this bullshit, you can just kiss all that goodbye.”
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rainshadow
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PostSubject: Re: A vs P   Wed Apr 14, 2010 11:32 pm

I've done my share of fan fiction in the past, and I'm not really all that ashamed to say that sometimes, I still do... I use it as a tool when I have writer's block.

Feel free to email me your story. I'll avoid the summary for now; whether I ever get to read the actual document... time will tell. Wink

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We should create a loop. That way when he gets back he can feel jealous that he's been out of it.
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Professor X
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PostSubject: Re: A vs P   Thu Apr 15, 2010 7:47 am

An interesting read. I have never written any Fanfic myself. I am not sure if I would be ashamed or not!

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Memnoch
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PostSubject: Re: A vs P   Thu Apr 15, 2010 10:24 am

Do want!
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StephenH
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PostSubject: Re: A vs P   Thu Apr 15, 2010 6:59 pm

Well professor x - i'm saved by the excuse that i was 17 when I wrote it so i'm not really ashamed.

In fact, I'm actually quite happy with it, even more so since the films have come out because I think my story is better (if I do say so myself).

Sure my story certainly needs to be polished a fair bit, but the structure of the story I think is a lot better then what we got in the films.

I will say this, I was quite happy with the idea for my theme. In fact I love my theme. I just failed miserably to portray it in my story. That would be the biggest thing that I would change if I were to do a rewrite. Its something I choke up to experience.

I tell you what, if anyone can read the full story and know what the theme is just from that, then I'll give you extra bonus awesome points.

Memnoch - I've sent you a pm.
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